A few journal wanderings because my BLOG is feeling lonely…

I greeted 2011 in a state of grace, ringing in the new within the sacred space I know as my HeartGate home.  Today, I turn to my calendar and am astonished to see that it’s February already. What happened to the Promise I made myself to write more regularly this year?

Truth is, I’m so used to entering a new year with a flood of enthusiasm and inspiration that I’ve been in quite a bit of judgment toward myself. My body is moving VERY slowly.  I can’t seem to focus on anything for long.  And I don’t really want to DO anything!  Recently, I’ve started to realize what is going on.  Integration.

So much is happening so fast these days that our bodies & minds need space to
B R E A T H E.  We ESP’s (extra sensitive persons) may need a little extra support. Who made up that we’re supposed to launch into the New Year with zest and all kinds of plans & possibilities anyway? I just want to cuddle up by the fire, drink hot cocoa, and read a good book! (And winter in Boise is especially COLD this year, so sitting by the WARM fire makes me happy!)

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Early this morning, I finished “Traveling with Pomegranates” by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Taylor Kidd.  It inspired me to start writing again.  It also opened a sort of longing in me: to travel, to connect deeply with my daughter and my mother, to be free.

I’ve been thinking of freedom a lot lately. My mother gave me freedom to be myself, and now I must choose to free the limitations of my mind.  My daughter seems free, but are we ever really free of the self-imposed or society-imposed limitations?

Maybe I still care too much what others think of me.  Another change of focus is upon me, and I am afraid it will appear I’m a drifter, but why does it matter?  I am a creative inspiration, and so I will flow with what comes before me.

***
I have a friend who talks about the Ultimate Freedom to wake up each morning and see what shows up to see to.  No goals. No plans. Free to choose in each moment. Perhaps this is what is being called for more & more, as we touch the impermanence of life and remember why we are really here: to dance with God.

Now that I’m writing again, my heart feels lighter.  It’s like a dam is slowly opening and the inspiration is starting to trickle in.  I’m not making any other Promises (or resolutions) but to just keep showing up, as real as I can, in this moment and the next and the next.

And to go on some GREAT Adventures this year!  I’ll share more about that soon!

Happy Now Moment.  ~Sor’a

My grandson helped fill up his room with balloons … we had lots of magical moments together laughing & playing this month!

Tags: authenticity, balance, simplicity

It’s been almost a week since my “Maui Passage” with The Peaceful Woman.  As I reflect back on this multi-faceted journey into peacefulness, it’s hard to know where to begin.

I could begin at the beginning, when a group of women gathered by the ocean to explore individual intentions and the purpose that brought us together.  I remember being in awe at the powerful diversity and strength within this group of women.  I recognized right away that I was here for more than my initial intention to become a facilitator of these experiential retreats.

I could share about the intricate lessons woven from nature and the mystical beauty of the early Hawaiian culture…of how each of these took us deep into an exploration of our own nature and served as a brilliant reflection of the stories ready to be let go or newly birthed.

But what I really wish to write about is an unexpected gift I received from this “passage” into the peacefulness of authentic being…what I’m calling the peace of belonging. It’s not that I felt unpeaceful before I went or that I didn’t already belong.  I was very much at peace with who I am, how I’m showing up in life, and the community of friends I’ve gathered around me.  But I was totally unprepared for how much I would feel a NEW sense of belonging from this experience, or that I would find such a profound sense of peace as I gave myself over to this belonging.

The ancient Hawaiian culture teaches belonging to the land, to one another, and to the divine presence that is part of everything.  It’s easy for me to feel connected in these ways, and Hawaii offers numerous opportunities to connect to the divinity that breathes through her lands (and her waters ;-).

The belonging I’m feeling goes beyond these and even beyond the renewed connection to my inner being.  This belonging is about being part of something bigger than any one of us, and about knowing there’s something being created here that will serve the world in ways none of us can on our own.

I’ll be writing more about the fullness of this experience in days to come, but for now I just wanted to share this peace of my heart and to extend my deep gratitude to TPW founder, Cher Bertrand, for birthing this opportunity.  The Peaceful Woman is about personal renewal & the cultivation of inner peace…but more importantly, it’s a powerful call for women to spread our wings and to emerge as a collective force of leadership for our world.

I hope you’ll come FLY with us!   ~Shining Sor’a

Read ‘The Peaceful Woman’ poem

***The heart of The Peaceful Woman Maui Passage is learning through nature and reflection in an experiential, no-lecture format. Here are a few journal entries that give a glimpse of my personal experience. Yours is bound to be different but at least as rich!

Day 1: Today we immersed in the native hula, exploring this graceful dance of talk story and falling in love with Hawaiian elder, Aunty Gordeen. My heart sprung wide open when Aunty and three of her students greeted us with a beautiful chant, singing us into their abundant garden paradise. Tears were streaming as we entered this sacred space, donned our hula skirts and prepared to learn the movements and sing a story of awakening the peaceful woman.

Day 2: Drove into Iao Valley, the womb of the island where fertility abounds. After a bit of ‘talk story’ with one of our Hawaiian guides, we were sent off to learn from the river and the sacred energy of the valley…a powerful opportunity to connect with our feminine nature and to release. Most everyone had a powerful experience as they immersed in the river; my own came from NOT immersing and allowing myself to release in a different way. “The journey is more satisfying than the destination” was my personal mantra for the day.

Day 3: Fire Day. Lava walk and Hawaiian sweat lodge. I’d like to burn away whatever it is that keeps me from fully connecting with the group. This wasn’t an easy day for me. I am wondering whether this is my place and how I can be more in service and connection here.

Day 4: Waterfall … Flow day. Where am I not in flow in my life? What needs to shift for my flow to return? Walking into the bamboo on our way to the waterfall, I’m flooded by answers to these questions. I need a shift in my mental perspective. I also receive a direct answer to my wondering from yesterday: “Your place is wherever you are. You serve in all that you do.” I leave the bamboo feeling revitalized.

[The longer story involves falling down a waterfall & receiving 5 stitches in my head…the power of manifesting a profound experience to punctuate the message and give the group an opportunity to dive deep into their own reflections.]

Day 5: Ocean Day … Unity. “You have all you need, right here, right now.” Enough said. I am complete.

Post Reflection Entry: The power of an experience is how it keeps working even after it is “over” … the layers of learning keep unfolding, and I’m finding the radiant peace from this experience moving through me and pulling me to act in new ways.

Tags: authenticity, Hawaii retreat, peace, peaceful being, The Peaceful Woman