A few journal wanderings because my BLOG is feeling lonely…

I greeted 2011 in a state of grace, ringing in the new within the sacred space I know as my HeartGate home.  Today, I turn to my calendar and am astonished to see that it’s February already. What happened to the Promise I made myself to write more regularly this year?

Truth is, I’m so used to entering a new year with a flood of enthusiasm and inspiration that I’ve been in quite a bit of judgment toward myself. My body is moving VERY slowly.  I can’t seem to focus on anything for long.  And I don’t really want to DO anything!  Recently, I’ve started to realize what is going on.  Integration.

So much is happening so fast these days that our bodies & minds need space to
B R E A T H E.  We ESP’s (extra sensitive persons) may need a little extra support. Who made up that we’re supposed to launch into the New Year with zest and all kinds of plans & possibilities anyway? I just want to cuddle up by the fire, drink hot cocoa, and read a good book! (And winter in Boise is especially COLD this year, so sitting by the WARM fire makes me happy!)

***
Early this morning, I finished “Traveling with Pomegranates” by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Taylor Kidd.  It inspired me to start writing again.  It also opened a sort of longing in me: to travel, to connect deeply with my daughter and my mother, to be free.

I’ve been thinking of freedom a lot lately. My mother gave me freedom to be myself, and now I must choose to free the limitations of my mind.  My daughter seems free, but are we ever really free of the self-imposed or society-imposed limitations?

Maybe I still care too much what others think of me.  Another change of focus is upon me, and I am afraid it will appear I’m a drifter, but why does it matter?  I am a creative inspiration, and so I will flow with what comes before me.

***
I have a friend who talks about the Ultimate Freedom to wake up each morning and see what shows up to see to.  No goals. No plans. Free to choose in each moment. Perhaps this is what is being called for more & more, as we touch the impermanence of life and remember why we are really here: to dance with God.

Now that I’m writing again, my heart feels lighter.  It’s like a dam is slowly opening and the inspiration is starting to trickle in.  I’m not making any other Promises (or resolutions) but to just keep showing up, as real as I can, in this moment and the next and the next.

And to go on some GREAT Adventures this year!  I’ll share more about that soon!

Happy Now Moment.  ~Sor’a

A Happy Now Moment

My grandson helped fill up his room with balloons … we had lots of magical moments together laughing & playing this month!

Tags: authenticity, balance, simplicity

It’s the darkest time of the year (here in the western hemisphere anyway … yet some hearts S H I N E more brightly at this time of year than any other.  For many, this is a season of giving, of generosity, of celebrating our blessings, and a time to reach out to family & friends in special ways.

As we enter the final week of 2010, I’d like to share a few simple inspirations from my heart to yours.

A poem I wrote in 2006 that I like to share every year at this time:   Embrace

A video I just watched that really speaks to me:  Spiritual Conspiracy

A lovely Christmas song by a young SHINING Star!:  O Holy Night

Let us remember that the most important Gifts come without all the fancy wrappings.  Unwrap your heart & let your True Self glow this holiday season and all through the coming year.

Shining Love & Light your way,  Sor’a

Tags: awakening, gratitude, inspiration, peaceful being, simple abundance

(Simplification Sabbatical Post #1)

A caterpillar spends its life eating in preparation to go through a transformation that will completely reveal its essence.  At some point, it begins to form its cocoon, and within this protective encasement, it begins to change…to liquefy before becoming the butterfly that will emerge.  When it’s time, this new form must struggle to release itself from the cocoon, and within this struggle is the true magic.  This is the time when the wings become strong enough to fly.  If someone intervenes to ‘help’ the butterfly emerge too early, it will simply be unable to spread those beautiful wings to complete the journey.  The butterfly will die unfulfilled, a mere reflection of its true essence.

photo by Daniel Franks

We humans go through many transformations in the course of one lifetime, building layers of cocoon after feeding on our various life experiences.  While the caterpillar goes through a single metamorphosis cycle, we may go our entire life feeding and cocooning within a pre-emergent form.  Some individuals never break free…many don’t ever fly.

It seems like every time I emerge from one cocoon, I fly around for awhile then build another.  Sometimes I do this consciously; often it’s just a result of living in a world that seems to require lots of protection.  Like the butterfly, I am strengthening my wings through my own process of personal struggle.  But I’m beginning to realize I don’t have to be like the butterfly…I can open my wings even more fully “with a little help from my friends.”

Like most, I have an immense support system that I don’t fully access.  Our angels (both heaven & earth) are waiting to help.  It’s just that I often forget to ASK and end up feeling isolated, spinning another layer to this self-made cocoon.

At the moment, I’m choosing to go through a conscious cocooning.  While I’m not totally sure what will emerge, I’m getting some glimpses.  I feel so very fortunate to have the space in my life to rest in what IS while I allow the fully brilliant being within to spread her wings.

I look forward to sharing more of the story as it’s revealed to (and through) me!  ~Sor’a

End Note: I just returned from an immersion at HeartGate Sanctuary in Hood River, Oregon.  Guided by mystic Elle Collier Re, the metamorphosis that transpires within each heart during these experiences is more than an individual awakening…it is a collective transformation.  As each individual breaks free, the Holy comes more fully to earth.  Our world is in need of this wholeness.  I encourage you to fly in for a personal or group immersion OR to tap into one of the weekly tele-link gatherings.

Tags: butterfly, spread your wings, transforming

…first return to Bare Ground

June 6, 2010.  A few weeks ago, this bare patch of ground was filled with weeds up to my thighs.  Today we’re preparing to plant some seeds.  Tomorrow we’ll water, and with a little bit of conscious gardening over the next few months will harvest an abundance of nourishing food from this little patch of bare soil.

Yes, the weeds will return…and if we don’t keep them cleared almost daily, they may even choke out the new seedlings.  So we’ll patiently pull and till the soil while waiting for the new seeds to take root, to grow into strong plants, and finally to bear fruit (& vegis)!

This spring I’ve been pulling a lot of weeds from my inner garden too.  My year started with such a flood of creative inspiration and readiness to plant myself fully in service.  Then all of a sudden I was drowning in too much…too fast…a whirlpool that took me down down down into a dark hole that I couldn’t seem to escape.

So I did what any good swimmer is trained to do: I surrendered to the flow.

(3 week flow break…it’s now June 25!)
It’s not easy to admit, or even to find a way back into a post that is partly written, but here I am to finish by simply revealing that Returning to Bare Ground is not a simple thing. While I was in the middle of it all…stuck in the mud…it wasn’t so pretty (it may seem like I’m mixing metaphors, but mud IS a mixture of both dirt & water!  Now that I’ve cleared the most distracting weeds,  I’m quite sure that I’m being returned to the Bare Ground of Simple Being for a reason. (Turns out my hormones & thyroid were causing a significant part of the muckiness, but even when physically triggered, the mental-emotional clearing always feels good…once it’s done)

So…I’m taking a “Simplification Sabbatical” this summer! I’ve decided to give myself over to this deep yearning to simplify, to nourish myself & my significant relationships, to spend time listening to God, to allow all actions to blossom from a place of enthusiasm and clarity.  It will have a few guidelines, a few possibilities, and mostly open space to RENEW & RE-CREATE.  I may (or may not) write as I go, and at the moment I’m leaning toward writing.  It seems many of us are being pulled to simplify, and perhaps sharing my journey might help someone else gain perspective.

And now I’m going to close this post that has taken longer than anything I’ve ever written.  But then our garden took longer to plant this year than ever before too!

P.S. In spite of several family emergencies and a bunch of rainstorms, the garden is finally planted.  It’s great to see those seeds turning into vibrant plants.  I’m sure some of the seeds God is planting in this new bare ground in ME will be sprouting soon.  Stay tuned for one of those to blossom forth this next month in celebration of my coming birthday!

Tags: balance, simple abundance

It’s been almost a week since my “Maui Passage” with The Peaceful Woman.  As I reflect back on this multi-faceted journey into peacefulness, it’s hard to know where to begin.

I could begin at the beginning, when a group of women gathered by the ocean to explore individual intentions and the purpose that brought us together.  I remember being in awe at the powerful diversity and strength within this group of women.  I recognized right away that I was here for more than my initial intention to become a facilitator of these experiential retreats.

Into the Valley of Peace

I could share about the intricate lessons woven from nature and the mystical beauty of the early Hawaiian culture…of how each of these took us deep into an exploration of our own nature and served as a brilliant reflection of the stories ready to be let go or newly birthed.

But what I really wish to write about is an unexpected gift I received from this “passage” into the peacefulness of authentic being…what I’m calling the peace of belonging. It’s not that I felt unpeaceful before I went or that I didn’t already belong.  I was very much at peace with who I am, how I’m showing up in life, and the community of friends I’ve gathered around me.  But I was totally unprepared for how much I would feel a NEW sense of belonging from this experience, or that I would find such a profound sense of peace as I gave myself over to this belonging.

The ancient Hawaiian culture teaches belonging to the land, to one another, and to the divine presence that is part of everything.  It’s easy for me to feel connected in these ways, and Hawaii offers numerous opportunities to connect to the divinity that breathes through her lands (and her waters ;-).

The belonging I’m feeling goes beyond these and even beyond the renewed connection to my inner being.  This belonging is about being part of something bigger than any one of us, and about knowing there’s something being created here that will serve the world in ways none of us can on our own.

I’ll be writing more about the fullness of this experience in days to come, but for now I just wanted to share this peace of my heart and to extend my deep gratitude to TPW founder, Cher Bertrand, for birthing this opportunity.  The Peaceful Woman is about personal renewal & the cultivation of inner peace…but more importantly, it’s a powerful call for women to spread our wings and to emerge as a collective force of leadership for our world.

I hope you’ll come FLY with us!   ~Shining Sor’a

Read ‘The Peaceful Woman’ poem

Peace~full Butterfly Women by Rachel Flower

***The heart of The Peaceful Woman Maui Passage is learning through nature and reflection in an experiential, no-lecture format. Here are a few journal entries that give a glimpse of my personal experience. Yours is bound to be different but at least as rich!

Day 1: Today we immersed in the native hula, exploring this graceful dance of talk story and falling in love with Hawaiian elder, Aunty Gordeen. My heart sprung wide open when Aunty and three of her students greeted us with a beautiful chant, singing us into their abundant garden paradise. Tears were streaming as we entered this sacred space, donned our hula skirts and prepared to learn the movements and sing a story of awakening the peaceful woman.

Day 2: Drove into Iao Valley, the womb of the island where fertility abounds. After a bit of ‘talk story’ with one of our Hawaiian guides, we were sent off to learn from the river and the sacred energy of the valley…a powerful opportunity to connect with our feminine nature and to release. Most everyone had a powerful experience as they immersed in the river; my own came from NOT immersing and allowing myself to release in a different way. “The journey is more satisfying than the destination” was my personal mantra for the day.

Day 3: Fire Day. Lava walk and Hawaiian sweat lodge. I’d like to burn away whatever it is that keeps me from fully connecting with the group. This wasn’t an easy day for me. I am wondering whether this is my place and how I can be more in service and connection here.

Day 4: Waterfall … Flow day. Where am I not in flow in my life? What needs to shift for my flow to return? Walking into the bamboo on our way to the waterfall, I’m flooded by answers to these questions. I need a shift in my mental perspective. I also receive a direct answer to my wondering from yesterday: “Your place is wherever you are. You serve in all that you do.” I leave the bamboo feeling revitalized.

[The longer story involves falling down a waterfall & receiving 5 stitches in my head…the power of manifesting a profound experience to punctuate the message and give the group an opportunity to dive deep into their own reflections.]

Day 5: Ocean Day … Unity. “You have all you need, right here, right now.” Enough said. I am complete.

Post Reflection Entry: The power of an experience is how it keeps working even after it is “over” … the layers of learning keep unfolding, and I’m finding the radiant peace from this experience moving through me and pulling me to act in new ways.

Tags: authenticity, Hawaii retreat, peace, peaceful being, The Peaceful Woman

No matter how much I try to stay simple through the holidays, the flurry of doing still manages to overcome my peace of being, and I often transition from one year to the next with some level of exhaustion.  So I’ve learned to allow this time to be a gentle reminder and reconnection to where I am in my life, as well as guidance for how I might choose to realign to bring even more joy/love/peace/fulfillment to myself and others.

This year, my body gave me a cold to keep me from launching too quickly into the new.  I listened to the nudge and decided to clear my office and redesign my work flow to create beauty & efficiency where I spend most of my time.  And (once again) in the releasing, I reconnected to what is most essential.

Like many, I’m not one to create grand new resolutions for a whole year.  I believe we’re being trained to live more in the present moment, to follow the flow of what comes before us, to set our sails and then keep course-correcting as we go.  Still, a new year does bring new energy, and every transition is a good time to check inside to see what might need to be adjusted on the outside.

So, here are my ‘new moment’ resolutions as I commit to being fully alive and more in service than ever before this coming year.  I also enjoy choosing a theme or two to guide me as I connect with the energy of the new.  This year, my themes are: to laugh often, to love much, and to live in a current of YES!

Here are a few of the ways I’d like to BE as I flow merrily down this stream of my life.  I’m calling these my moment-to-moment BEsolutions!

BE present for everyone I meet, especially those I often take for granted because I see them every day.

BE aware of how I serve in the smallest ways (a smile, a helping hand, a whisper of inspiration, an intuition-guided phone call) … even as I focus on the big projects & ideas & dreams that are sure to flow through me, as they always do. 

BE bold in loving, giving, radiating the inspiration that flows through me.

BE so filled with gratitude for the good in my life that I overflow with the JOY that is a natural part of who I am.

BE at PEACE, resolving to trust inner guidance to show me each next step.

BE willing to listen & integrate the external signals as I set my course, re-choosing every moment that which will honor my devotion to God and living in connection with the Light of my soul.

BE a part of the Solution in all I choose to DO.

I look forward to playing with you this coming year as we reach for the stars & ground in the joy of simple being.
~Sor’a

Tags: balance, joyful being, new year resolutions, simplicity

There are so many ways to be grateful. I’ve been writing about gratitude for almost 30 days now, but more importantly, gratitude has been ‘righting’ me this past month.  This comes as a major surprise to me, since I’m naturally a very thankful person. But somehow, my heart had lost its connection to gratefulness, and as a result I’ve not been in full glow.  What I’ve discovered through this wonderful ritual of sharing thanks is that I am truly-deeply-enormously thankful to be ‘me.’

Tags: Add new tag, balance, gratitude

30 Days of Thanks: The Gratitude Game continues, and this week I’ll be exploring how I am deepening my appreciation for the journey by climbing a few mountains … and opening to a few miracles!

Day 20: The miracle of music.  I’m grateful to Failla Drum for being SUCH a catalyst for music in our world.  I was inspired to go PLAY tonight at one of her weekly rhythm circles and I had a BLAST!  I’m smiling deep inside and still tapping my feet & swaying my body.  YUM.

Day 18-19: Up on top of another beautiful peak today, after experiencing the miracle of soul connection & community.  I’m celebrating the magnificence of all who came to be with Elle Re this weekend.  I feel very nourished and open…ready to go after a few of the life mountains that are still present in my life with more trust & joy than before.  This is the blessing of a spiritual practice that both presences us to the divinity of all things, and also shines light on the unique aspect of each, our True Nature.  Double thanks this weekend for my spiritual community and the Love that is guiding this journey.  Ahhhhhmen.

Day 17: “Feeling gratitude & not expressing it is like wrapping a present & not giving it.”  I’m so grateful for meeting new friends!  Thanks, Rio, for this quote and for shining your Light so beautifully into our world.   I am opening, opening, opening … to the miracle of gratitude. 

Day 16: Thankful to be cherished…the miracle of unconditional Love.

Day 15: This morning I climbed the mountain by my house.  It was a clear, blue-sky morning, a bit chilly but I was shedding layers by the time I got to the top.  As I turned to gaze out across my hometown, a church steeple centered in my awareness, and I quietly knelt within my heart.  Thank you, God.  I’ve been climbing one of life’s little mountains these past 2 weeks after finding a breast lump.  It’s amazing to me how many different emotions arise, and how many different opinions are given, when our bodies create something out of the norm.  As I stood on the mountain, breathing the crisp fall air, a wonderful sense of peace and strength flowed through me.  Every mountain, every valley, gives new perspective to the landscape of our lives.  This one is teaching me to listen and to honor my inner knowing, while at the same time being open to options that are placed before me.  (P.S. In case you’re worried for me, don’t be…it’s benign but still something I need to attend to.  I’m paying attention & giving my body what it needs right now, including a bit more rest, a cleansing diet, movement…and probably a few more climbs up that mountain!)

Day 14: Today’s THANKS is dedicated to another awesome gratitude offering, The World Gratitude Gathering from Stacy Robyn & Ken Herbert.  If you haven’t yet participated in their 42 gathering, sign up now!!  It’s a wonderful, magical offering … beautiful images, playful & powerful words, totally inspirational sharing.  I love everything about it & I’d say it’s probably creating quite a few miracles in our world.

Tags: 30 days of Thanks, gratitude, inspiration