I gave myself a creative time-out earlier this month when I discovered my over-active mind crowding out the joyful beingness of my heart.  My intention was to clarify my purpose and renew my passion.  What I received was unexpected, and it’s taken me almost a month to begin to integrate the wholeness of the experience.  Because, to be perfectly honest, I love my life at the same time it has grown too small for me.  And it scares me deeply to admit that, even to myself.

For one thing, I love my gardens, and yet they have been way out of balance this summer.  Wild vines are covering the miniature roses and cute little star flowers…hearty daisies are crowding the new honeysuckle I planted this spring…overgrown bushes everywhere are smothering the delicate flowers beneath.  Even my vegetable garden has plants competing for space, and I’ve ended up with a few mystery varieties of squash…spucchini, I’ve decided to call them.  Interesting, but not exactly what I’d intended when planting this spring.

Could this be an outer reflection of my inner garden: too many things planted, all brilliant in their own way, each needing more space to bloom?

I’m discovering that creating space is not just about taking time away from the routines of normal life, because to be honest, I don’t really have that many routines right now. I love the space I’ve created. I love knowing I can choose how to fill my days. I love knowing I am of service in many simple ways. And even though I love my experience of life (most days), I’m beginning to feel less-than completely fulfilled. There are parts of me still trying to bloom, crowded by habits and ways of being that no longer serve me.

So, here’s the part that scares me. What if, my whole life, I’ve been trying to be just another one of the flowers when what I’m really meant to be is the radiant sun? <gulp>    What if I’m meant to be way more bold & brilliant? <another gulp>    And, what if I like being a flower? <grin>

My mind gets a little crazy trying to figure out what to DO as the radiant sun, but my heart knows the answer: the sun simply shines. It shines even when nobody is looking at it. It shines even when the clouds seem to be blocking its light. And when the sun is most beautiful, most glorious, it is simply reflecting & enhancing whatever it touches.

This is what creating space is about for me. Opening my heart wider & wider, expanding my vision of how I can serve, surprising myself & others with the ways I begin to show up in life. As I dive
into each new space that opens inside of me, the light in my soul burns brighter & brighter.

I believe we are each being called to live more boldly & expansively than ever before. The world is waking up and it’s time for us to plant ourselves firmly in who we are, as individuals and as significant parts of the communities in which we live. We are most useful when we show up completely, as brilliantly as the flowers that decorate our summer gardens. When we are planted in our own soil of being, we thrive. When we let ourselves become crowded by the goals & beliefs of others, we don’t. Maybe it’s that simple.

I’m still in the process of creating space in my life & in my heart. I hope I always will be. I’ll let you know when I find something that wants to be shared.

Until then, I invite us ALL to keep shining! ~Sor’a

Tags: balance