Pain.  There’s quite a lot of it in the world right now, so it seems rather trite of me to write about a toothache.  Yet that is what has been grabbing my attention this past week: throbbing, stabbing, intense…and now a raw-skinned reminder of the tooth that is no longer there.  How can one little part of the body cause so much pain?

As with most things, there are lessons to be learned here.  I jokingly say a few of them: call dentist before weekend & take drugs sooner.  But my real aha’s came during two memorable moments of deep letting go. The details of those moments seem unimportant now, but what they birthed in me seems unforgettable: as I surrendered to the pain and to the physical release of the tooth, my heart opened to a more expansive way of loving.

A toothache expanding my capacity to love…really? Somehow when I said goodbye to the tooth, in that single moment, I saw a number of old judgments and beliefs disintegrate in my mind.  In that same moment, a host of other painful events, past and present, flooded through.  It was as if a tsunami was washing out the old so something new could be birthed through me.

I’ve heard it said before that pain expands our capacity to love, but never have I connected with the possibility in such a way. Perhaps this is what is happening with our world right now: we are growing our collective capacity to feel compassion, to work together to rebuild cities, to somehow repair all these breaking hearts.  Perhaps we are birthing the possibility of a new way of loving.

When I look into the eyes of a dear friend whose body is being ravaged by cancer and a number of other complications, I see such a depth of love that I know this connection between pain and love is real.  And while the pain of an infected tooth seems so insignificant in comparison, I am grateful for the lessons it brings.

Embracing the pain, the love, and everything in between.  ~Sor’a

Q: How do you keep SHINING when you are in pain?

A few journal wanderings because my BLOG is feeling lonely…

I greeted 2011 in a state of grace, ringing in the new within the sacred space I know as my HeartGate home.  Today, I turn to my calendar and am astonished to see that it’s February already. What happened to the Promise I made myself to write more regularly this year?

Truth is, I’m so used to entering a new year with a flood of enthusiasm and inspiration that I’ve been in quite a bit of judgment toward myself. My body is moving VERY slowly.  I can’t seem to focus on anything for long.  And I don’t really want to DO anything!  Recently, I’ve started to realize what is going on.  Integration.

So much is happening so fast these days that our bodies & minds need space to
B R E A T H E.  We ESP’s (extra sensitive persons) may need a little extra support. Who made up that we’re supposed to launch into the New Year with zest and all kinds of plans & possibilities anyway? I just want to cuddle up by the fire, drink hot cocoa, and read a good book! (And winter in Boise is especially COLD this year, so sitting by the WARM fire makes me happy!)

***
Early this morning, I finished “Traveling with Pomegranates” by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Taylor Kidd.  It inspired me to start writing again.  It also opened a sort of longing in me: to travel, to connect deeply with my daughter and my mother, to be free.

I’ve been thinking of freedom a lot lately. My mother gave me freedom to be myself, and now I must choose to free the limitations of my mind.  My daughter seems free, but are we ever really free of the self-imposed or society-imposed limitations?

Maybe I still care too much what others think of me.  Another change of focus is upon me, and I am afraid it will appear I’m a drifter, but why does it matter?  I am a creative inspiration, and so I will flow with what comes before me.

***
I have a friend who talks about the Ultimate Freedom to wake up each morning and see what shows up to see to.  No goals. No plans. Free to choose in each moment. Perhaps this is what is being called for more & more, as we touch the impermanence of life and remember why we are really here: to dance with God.

Now that I’m writing again, my heart feels lighter.  It’s like a dam is slowly opening and the inspiration is starting to trickle in.  I’m not making any other Promises (or resolutions) but to just keep showing up, as real as I can, in this moment and the next and the next.

And to go on some GREAT Adventures this year!  I’ll share more about that soon!

Happy Now Moment.  ~Sor’a

A Happy Now Moment

My grandson helped fill up his room with balloons … we had lots of magical moments together laughing & playing this month!

It’s the darkest time of the year (here in the western hemisphere anyway … yet some hearts S H I N E more brightly at this time of year than any other.  For many, this is a season of giving, of generosity, of celebrating our blessings, and a time to reach out to family & friends in special ways.

As we enter the final week of 2010, I’d like to share a few simple inspirations from my heart to yours.

A poem I wrote in 2006 that I like to share every year at this time:   Embrace

A video I just watched that really speaks to me:  Spiritual Conspiracy

A lovely Christmas song by a young SHINING Star!:  O Holy Night

Let us remember that the most important Gifts come without all the fancy wrappings.  Unwrap your heart & let your True Self glow this holiday season and all through the coming year.

Shining Love & Light your way,  Sor’a

Think of one thing that breaks your heart open, and act upon that.
This is the way we will change the world: one loving act at a time.

I just had the opportunity to spend 3 days with child right’s advocate, Kimmie Weeks.  I’d like to share my gratitude for the blessing this simple man brings to our world with his message, and with his peaceful, powerful Presence.  Especially during this week of Thanks Giving for Americans, it feels important to SHINE this message out to others.

I’ll admit that it’s not easy for me to hear & see much of what Kimmie has to share.  My normal Way is to look at the joy & beauty of life, and to turn people toward the positivity and the Light side of our world … and I don’t expect to change that.  Indeed, Kimmie Weeks is one of the great Light workers of our time.

It’s not easy to hear his story of being torn from a normal middle class life to face the ravages of war, of being left on a pile of dead bodies when he was just 9 … it’s not easy hear of the devastation he experienced during the 14 year civil war in his home country of Liberia … or to hear of the pain & suffering he continues to see as he commits his life to creating a new story for our world.

While these stories can be heartbreaking, they also demonstrate the power of the human spirit and an uncommon faith & forgiveness that most of us won’t ever have to endure.  Kimmie shares some embarrassing statistics about where the general population is focusing attention & spending dollars.  He believes (and so do I) that if just a fraction of those spending choices are changed, we CAN have a world where no child dies from hunger, lack of clean water or medical attention … this is truly possible in our lifetime.

Kimmie encourages us not to feel guilty about the simple blessings of our own lives … but to be thankful for these blessings, and to consider, every day, how we might share a few of our blessings with others … not just in our own families & communities, but around the world.  We create a world that works for everyone ONLY when we remember we are ONE world community. As my dear friend Pat McDonald sings, “whenever one of us is suffering, none of us is free … a world that works for everyone, is what is meant to be.” (Listen to United in Brilliance, by Pat McDonald)

Kimmie talks of giving until it hurts, and I say, “Give until it STOPS hurting.” Let us GIVE until the only stories we hear are those of a world that truly is working for everyone.

May your heart break open with compassion as you Give Thanks for your blessings.

With Great Gratitude, Sor’a

This is a photo of the baby at the top after just 3 months with adequate nourishment.

Check out THE SERVICE CONNECTION “Virtual BIG GIVE” Event

$20 pays medical care for a child.  If 9 people give just $11 each, a child can go to school.  Most of us can find a way to re-direct this level of funds, and when our giving UNITES, we  spark expansive change for our world.

Listen to Kimmie’s story as he accepts the prestigious Brick Award for his humanitarian work.

It’s International Peace Day today, and I’m celebrating the inner peace that has come from a summer sabbatical.  I thought I’d be writing during this time ‘off’ but the words simply didn’t wish to flow.  My writing has felt rather like a dry river these past few months as I’ve been simplifying my inner & outer world.  But I’m feeling something beginning to bubble inside, and it’s time to put my fingers on the keyboard to see what will come.

Nothing.

Will the flow of Inspiration ever come again?

Silence.

Here I am.  Who am I?

I am a peaceful stream of radiant light, and I shine forth simply in everything I do.  When the words are not here, here I still am, flowing as this silent peace~full stream.

I am reminded of a quote from my teacher, Elle Re: “You must be willing to be empty, to be full.”

Daisy, by D.Franks

Let me be like this humble flower, bowing to the moment.  In this peace, may I lose myself and become the flower to everyone I meet.  The true path to world peace.

Peace be within you, always.  ~Sor’a

(Simplification Sabbatical Post #1)

A caterpillar spends its life eating in preparation to go through a transformation that will completely reveal its essence.  At some point, it begins to form its cocoon, and within this protective encasement, it begins to change…to liquefy before becoming the butterfly that will emerge.  When it’s time, this new form must struggle to release itself from the cocoon, and within this struggle is the true magic.  This is the time when the wings become strong enough to fly.  If someone intervenes to ‘help’ the butterfly emerge too early, it will simply be unable to spread those beautiful wings to complete the journey.  The butterfly will die unfulfilled, a mere reflection of its true essence.

photo by Daniel Franks

We humans go through many transformations in the course of one lifetime, building layers of cocoon after feeding on our various life experiences.  While the caterpillar goes through a single metamorphosis cycle, we may go our entire life feeding and cocooning within a pre-emergent form.  Some individuals never break free…many don’t ever fly.

It seems like every time I emerge from one cocoon, I fly around for awhile then build another.  Sometimes I do this consciously; often it’s just a result of living in a world that seems to require lots of protection.  Like the butterfly, I am strengthening my wings through my own process of personal struggle.  But I’m beginning to realize I don’t have to be like the butterfly…I can open my wings even more fully “with a little help from my friends.”

Like most, I have an immense support system that I don’t fully access.  Our angels (both heaven & earth) are waiting to help.  It’s just that I often forget to ASK and end up feeling isolated, spinning another layer to this self-made cocoon.

At the moment, I’m choosing to go through a conscious cocooning.  While I’m not totally sure what will emerge, I’m getting some glimpses.  I feel so very fortunate to have the space in my life to rest in what IS while I allow the fully brilliant being within to spread her wings.

I look forward to sharing more of the story as it’s revealed to (and through) me!  ~Sor’a

End Note: I just returned from an immersion at HeartGate Sanctuary in Hood River, Oregon.  Guided by mystic Elle Collier Re, the metamorphosis that transpires within each heart during these experiences is more than an individual awakening…it is a collective transformation.  As each individual breaks free, the Holy comes more fully to earth.  Our world is in need of this wholeness.  I encourage you to fly in for a personal or group immersion OR to tap into one of the weekly tele-link gatherings.

…first return to Bare Ground

June 6, 2010.  A few weeks ago, this bare patch of ground was filled with weeds up to my thighs.  Today we’re preparing to plant some seeds.  Tomorrow we’ll water, and with a little bit of conscious gardening over the next few months will harvest an abundance of nourishing food from this little patch of bare soil.

Yes, the weeds will return…and if we don’t keep them cleared almost daily, they may even choke out the new seedlings.  So we’ll patiently pull and till the soil while waiting for the new seeds to take root, to grow into strong plants, and finally to bear fruit (& vegis)!

This spring I’ve been pulling a lot of weeds from my inner garden too.  My year started with such a flood of creative inspiration and readiness to plant myself fully in service.  Then all of a sudden I was drowning in too much…too fast…a whirlpool that took me down down down into a dark hole that I couldn’t seem to escape.

So I did what any good swimmer is trained to do: I surrendered to the flow.

(3 week flow break…it’s now June 25!)
It’s not easy to admit, or even to find a way back into a post that is partly written, but here I am to finish by simply revealing that Returning to Bare Ground is not a simple thing. While I was in the middle of it all…stuck in the mud…it wasn’t so pretty (it may seem like I’m mixing metaphors, but mud IS a mixture of both dirt & water!  Now that I’ve cleared the most distracting weeds,  I’m quite sure that I’m being returned to the Bare Ground of Simple Being for a reason. (Turns out my hormones & thyroid were causing a significant part of the muckiness, but even when physically triggered, the mental-emotional clearing always feels good…once it’s done)

So…I’m taking a “Simplification Sabbatical” this summer! I’ve decided to give myself over to this deep yearning to simplify, to nourish myself & my significant relationships, to spend time listening to God, to allow all actions to blossom from a place of enthusiasm and clarity.  It will have a few guidelines, a few possibilities, and mostly open space to RENEW & RE-CREATE.  I may (or may not) write as I go, and at the moment I’m leaning toward writing.  It seems many of us are being pulled to simplify, and perhaps sharing my journey might help someone else gain perspective.

And now I’m going to close this post that has taken longer than anything I’ve ever written.  But then our garden took longer to plant this year than ever before too!

P.S. In spite of several family emergencies and a bunch of rainstorms, the garden is finally planted.  It’s great to see those seeds turning into vibrant plants.  I’m sure some of the seeds God is planting in this new bare ground in ME will be sprouting soon.  Stay tuned for one of those to blossom forth this next month in celebration of my coming birthday!

“To find our calling is to find the intersection between our own Deep Gladness and the world’s Deep Hunger.” –Fredrick Buechner

I recently attended a “Fierce Light” workshop where we were invited to share our boldest visions of how we’d like to serve the world. I shared two recurring dreams I’ve had over the past 10 years. In the first dream, I’m casting a golden net around the earth, shining light into the darkest corners by simply connecting the multitude of already existing brilliant sparks. In the second dream, I’m sitting around a table with a group of women joyfully giving away money to help people fund their ideas (and we’re all wearing nametags that say, Abundance Angel). I rushed off from the workshop for my grandson’s 2nd birthday party, feeling there was something not quite complete.

A few mornings later, I awoke at 3am with a fierce energy running through me and the message, “it’s time to step into your greatness…no more playing small!” Tears started flowing as I connected with the full scope of these two important dreams, along with a fear that I somehow wasn’t big enough. Then a sense of radiant peace washed through me as I realized I have everything before me, and within me, to create what I’m now calling my “Fierce Light Vision.” The peace turned to excitement when I realized that everything I’m doing is already in support of this vision but that the energy is just ready to amp up…and that I’ve created an amazing web of support to help meet the fullness of this vision in a new way.

When I planted the original seed of The Service Connection a little over 3 years ago, it was actually another version of those original two dreams. I envisioned women gathering in small circles around the world…stepping into our collective Greatness…receiving the courage, inspiration & financial support to live our boldest dreams…and doing this WHILE creating a stream of philanthropic funding for causes we care about.

I was fortunate that my partner Vasi, along with a circle of significant believers, stepped in to help ground the initial vision. For two years we planted, cultivated, watered, and in some cases tried to force the seed to bloom. This past year, we’ve been “incubating” as we explore and allow space to see where the vision wants to be planted. This has been a very challenging time for me, and often I’ve wanted to let go or give my vision to someone else. I now realize the importance of this time of allowing. I’m much more ready to step into the vision now than I was when it originally came through.